Pregnant mom gives early holiday present to 20-month-old daughter without consulting husband: 'With the new baby, I don't think I'll really get to enjoy watching my daughter getting her gift'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 4, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Communication is key, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Sometimes we find ourselves hiding things from the ones that we love, even if we don't really mean to. They just might be too difficult to bring up, and we don't quite have a way around it. This can happen in even the strongest relationships. Maybe there's something that you feel ashamed about that you fear that you'll be judged for bringing up. Maybe you're trying to feel some sense of independence by keeping something to yourself. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but trouble is bound to come up when communication falls apart. Especially if you're raising a child together. 

Raising a kid itself is hard enough, but if you have turmoil within the relationship, then it makes everything harder. One family learned that the hard way when something as simple as a Christmas gift brought up a lot of feelings. With the baby on the way, one mom felt overwhelmed and wanted to do things her own way. She thought that giving an early gift to her daughter would make her happy and smooth everything over. 

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  • A mother reads to her young child on the couch.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But she was worried that her husband would judge her for it, and found herself keeping a lie. So she reached out to the internet for advice, and it responded with some tough love. Read on to see what commenters had to say.

  • Am I in the wrong for giving my daughter her Christmas present early?

    My husband (28M) and I (28F) have a 20 month old toddler. We have a second baby on the way who is due between Thanksgiving and Christmas. For some context, my daughter is still too young to understand what Christmas is, what Santa is, etc.
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • For Christmas this year, I got my daughter a Toniebox which is basically like a kid friendly CD player except instead of putting in different CDs, they have characters that they put on top and then the box plays a track of like 10-20 things (some stories, some songs, etc) related to the character. My husband had
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • basically no input in this and wasn't interested in picking out any of the characters or the color of the box, etc. He said if I thought our daughter would like it then to get it. He is most likely going to go out sometime right before Christmas and pick out some gifts for her himself (no idea if they will be from "Santa" or from him, but again, it doesn't really matter bc our daughter is clueless).
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • I was talking to my mom and was telling her about it, and in the conversation, I mentioned that I was kind of disappointed bc with the new baby, I don't think I'll really get to enjoy watching my daughter getting her gift since I will be preoccupied with the new baby and how I wish I could just give it to her early. My mom said I
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • should just give it to her early then since it doesn't really matter and said she feels the same way, which is why she gets my daughter a small gift every few months, and will get her another small gift for Christmas.
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • I ended up taking out the Toniebox and letting my daughter pick one of the characters (saving the other 4 I picked out for Christmas). We use it pretty sparingly (maybe 1-2 times per week for half an hour and then it goes away so it can keep the novelty). I haven't told my husband that I've been giving it to
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • her bc I know he would say I should have waited until Christmas and would be annoyed. I feel kind of guilty and like an asshole bc I'm purposely not telling him, but at the same time, it's my gift to our daughter and it's not like she isn't going to get anything new (she will still get the other characters for the box from me, as well as the gifts from my husband).
    via u/That-Helicopter-1536
  • A woman and a child play together while the father works in the background.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters had some questions about what was going on here.

    3-kids-no-money · 2h ago I'm more concerned you don't think you can enjoy the toddler because of a new baby. How exactly does a baby prevent you from watching your toddler open gifts?
    via u/3-kids-no-money
  • designatedthrowawayy 1h ago I get the feeling Husband isn't very supportive so all of the new baby work and Christmas work will fall to OP leaving her drained or preoccupied on Christmas.
    via u/designatedthrowawayy
  • kgee1206 2h ago You're about to have a newborn and a 2yo at the same time. You probably need to sort out communication with your husband.
    via u/kgee1206
  • keesouth • 2h ago Why are you making these decisions with your mother and not your husband? Why are you doing something you don't think your husband will like and hiding it from him? It sounds like you all aren't communicating well and you are relying on your mother's input instead of your partner's. You're not an AH for the gift but YTA for how you're going about it.
    via u/keesouth
  • . interesting-mug • 2h ago YTA, why are you lying? You know you can give your kid presents when it's not Christmas, right? Just get another present for Christmas.
    via u/interesting-mug
  • worldworn. 2h ago YTA You didn't want to miss out on your daughter opening it, so you went behind your husband's back and made sure he would miss out, on her opening it? I read the excuse about him not picking it, but that still feels very flat.
    via u/worldworn
  • You could have said to your husband all of this, and asked if he make sure to have the baby for five minutes while she opens it. Or gave the present separately on Christmas when you did have five minutes.
    via u/worldworn
  • Afraid Ostrich9539 2h ago The fact you want to give the gift early isn't a problem....the only real problem is you willing lie (by omission) to your husband.
    via u/AfraidOstrich9539
  • Now when he finds out (it will be clear it has been opened) is he going to blindly think "this is fine" or "OK my wife has been hiding this tiny stupid thing, I wonder what bigger things she is hiding and/or lying about"? Why not sit down and talk to him like you did with your mum and the Internet? Explain it to him, tell him why it is important to you.
    via u/AfraidOstrich9539
  • EthanVB123 · 2h ago While you are n t a for giving the gift early, YTA for not communicating with your husband. He has a right to know, it is best not to keep minor secrets like this in a relationship as they could build to a more significant lack of trust.
    via u/EthanVB123
  • Lott... 2h ago Edited 2h ago The reason YTA is because you are purposely keeping this from your husband, knowing he won't be happy about it. Ask yourself how you would feel if he did something behind your back because he knew you wouldn't approve?
    via u/LottaCheek
  • Much better to be honest and tell him point blank - I'm giving this to her now because I want to enjoy her using it/receiving it, which I can't do with a baby at Christmas. Then if he feels strongly about her opening something special at Christmas, it is up to him to get that item. You are setting a very bad precedent in your relationship.
    via u/LottaCheek
  • -Konstantine- • 2h ago YTA, not for giving her the present early, but for lying to your husband about it and doing it in secret. Taking the toy out occasionally and having secret time with it is super problematic for your husband and your daughter. Is she not supposed to tell daddy that she listened to it? What happens if she does tell him? What if she asks him to take out the box?
    via u/-Konstantine-
  • It's a dangerous precedent to teach your daughter to keep secrets from her father. You don't want a child to keep a secret from a parent. It makes it easier for them to be manipulated into doing so by someone with more nefarious intentions.
    via u/-Konstantine-
  • This is also a sign that for one reason or another, this is not a healthy marriage. You guys need to be able to communicate and find a path even if you have different points of view. There are about a million parenting decisions that go into raising a child. You won't agree on all
    via u/-Konstantine-
  • of them. Lying and being secretive is not the solution to disagreeing about what is actually a pretty minor one. What will you do when it comes to more important ones like bullying, behavior issues, jobs, dating, etc?
    via u/-Konstantine-
  • Socc... 2h ago Edited 2h ago • Go talk to your husband You need to communicate Giving gifts early is a two yes decision for the holidays or at least don't have it be a surprise (that's a horrible idea and will sour Christmas Day)
    via u/SoccerProblem3547
  • It's his kid also and you can't just make these decisions without a conversation. I am sure he has valid reason why he would prefer to wait just like you have valid reason you wanted to do it early Nah
    via u/SoccerProblem3547

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childcare Babies aita presents infant kids moms christmas presents parenting dad cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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